Siblings

In all of my work I place great importance on the influence of early sibling experiences and relationships. It is quite well understood that our experience of our parents love largely dictates our ability to love and to feel loved. These relationships are no less powerful when they are conflicted rather than loving. Essentially thats the basis of psychotherapy.

What is less well appreciated in the UK is the influence of our sibling bonds, and our birth position in the sibling family. You are an only, a firstborn, a second/middle born, or a lastborn. Our brothers and sisters are the earliest and longest relationships we have; our birth order positions remain unchanged.

My experience from therapeutic work is that we bring that experience of peer relations from our siblings into our adult life as much as, if not more than, the relationship with our parents.

Anecdotally, our marriage and family will be dictated by our experience of our own parents. However, our peer relationships, at work, at school or university, in society, are much more likely to be influenced by our birth order. Firsts lead. Middles negotiate. Lasts need guidance. Onlies work alone. None of this is determined, but I find it is a productive approach.

Keep dropping by here and see what you think…